THIS CAN WORK!
The reality is men and women can work together in harmony in a way that honors God and his unique creation of male and female. But it takes work and a commitment to maturity and stellar leadership. Here are some closing encouragements.
Go the Extra Mile
The opportunity will always be yours as the leader to take the high road and extend courtesy and friendship even when it is not reciprocated. Just as a wife and mom sets the emotional tone of the home, it’s your responsibility to set a healthy, godly tone in the work environment. Lead with respect, honor, and trust, making sure the men on your team not only hear these but experience them. In a misunderstanding, lead the way to reconciliation with good communication and honest conversation. If there is tension, take the initiative to find a resolution; be quick to listen and slow to anger. Let Hebrews 12:14 be your guide: “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.”
Be a Grown-Up
There will be times when you’ll have to take a deep breath and get over it. In any leadership situation, people will hurt your feelings. When you are leading a mixed-gender team, there is even more opportunity for misunderstanding and frustration. There will be times when you’ll have to take your bumps and hurts to the Lord and choose to lean into the leadership maturity that comes from a secure relationship with God.
Grace, Grace, Grace
I (Sherry) was speaking at a conference where the conference administrator called all the presenters together before the conference began and said she was asking us to do three things: start with grace, give grace in the middle, and end with grace. She said she knew things were going to go wrong, and she was asking for us to expect it and be prepared with extra measures of grace. She was right (some of the conference details did go wrong), but she had prepared us well. Have you had this conversation with your team, both men and women? Let them know you know that both you and they will screw up. Sometimes you’ll misunderstand each other, and other times you’ll step on each other’s toes. There will be moments when someone will be thoughtless and say something stupid. Ask them to live out Ephesians 4:32: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Stop the Blame Game
Here’s the thing we women need to face: we have to quit seeing men as the enemy when it comes to our ability to lead. I (Jenni) know that some of you believe that the church, specifically the male leadership of the church, has historically held women back and inhibited their leadership. In many ways, you are right. Those things have happened. The degree to which that is true depends largely on your denominational background and experiences. But holding onto those historical events is only going to hold you back from leading well.
I believe with all my heart that God opens doors to our leadership if we are faithful to his call and steward our part well. I have seen repeatedly in both my own life and the lives of other women leaders that doors open, resistance lessens, and opportunities increase when we are faithful to what God is asking of us right now, at this moment, for this season. If we can be patient, not get ahead of ourselves, or long for influence we don’t have yet, we can be faithful to the opportunity for leadership in front of us. Every opportunity to lead, including every opportunity you have to lead men, is a critical step in bridging the great divide that exists between men and women. With every good experience we create, with every man who feels valued and respected through our leadership, we are diminishing that chasm between genders. Every good experience will replace a bad one. Every positive encounter creates a new perception. Everything you do will pave the way for the women leaders who will come after you.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION AND DISCUSSION
1. What do you love most about leading or working with men? What’s most frustrating?
2. Where do you need to grow most in working with men: controlling your emotions; overcoming bossiness; conveying respect, honor, or trust; or some other area?
3. Is there another area of tension in working with men that we didn’t discuss in this chapter? What is it?
Excerpted with permission of the publisher, Jossey-Bass, a Wiley imprint. Just Lead! A No Whining, No Complaining, No Nonsense Practical Guide for Women Leaders in the Church, by Sherry Surratt and Jenni Catron. Copyright © 2013 by Sherry Surratt and Jenni Catron.
Sherry Surratt is CEO of Mothers of Preschoolers, an international organization that encourages and equips moms and leaders; the former director of innovation labs at Leadership Network; and a former pastor on staff at Seacoast Church in Charleston, S.C.
Jenni Catron is executive director of Cross Point Church in Nashville, Tenn., and founder of Cultivate Her, an organization dedicated to connecting, engaging and inspiring young women leaders.
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